Its a place that is avoided like the plague when a guy meets a girl that he’s interested in. The “Friend Zone”. I personally don’t see what the big deal is (but apparently I have unrealistic expectations for other people). It can be a healthy place for two people to interact. It doesn’t always come as a result of disinterest in a person, sometimes, a girl simply feels that she would rather have a guy as a friend than to risk opening the door to a relationship with the possibility of it going bad and losing that person all-together. BUT, since many of my guy friends have assured me that the “friend zone” is not something to aim for, perhaps we should look at the annoyances things that they’ve done to secure this title, then it help them to avoid becoming a girl’s gBF in the future.
Reasons you’ve been urshered into the friend zone:
1.) You are a really GREAT guy just not great for me. Simply put, you’re awesome, but there are a few things that just don’t line up between the two of us. So instead of each of us settling, lets enjoy one another as friends and hold out for someone that is compatible with the things that matter most to each of us.
2.) You aren’t as cute as you were when we were taking that 15th shot of patron or your personality disappeared after the hangover. There’s no physical attraction there. Sure some people may be able to go beyond looks and see the person for their inner greatness, but chances are if there’s not even a little bit of physical attraction then I’ll wake up everyday asking myself why I’m even here! In terms of personality, there must be something about yours that captivates our attention. If we continue to converse and or hang out but I find myself bored and daydreaming about all of the other things I could be spending my time doing…then chances are…i’m going to move you to the friend zone and not call that often in an effort not to appear totally rude.
3.) You aren’t serious enough and/or don’t appear to be relationship material. Translation: we think you are a man whore. Either we’ve seen you in action (perhaps you approached us while still involved with someone else) or through our conversations its become apparent that you enjoy playing the field, sowing your royal oats, and whatever other little clever phrases you can come up with to describe how much you enjoy being single. Unless you’ve shown some miraculous change or demonstrated commitment to us, chances are we feel like we will be just another number and we are good on that.
4.) You have no backbone, have questionable tendencies, or display traits that remind us of our girlfriends. No girl seeking male companionship wants to date someone that reminds them of a chick or of themselves. If you have no backbone and we can walk all over you, thats not attractive. We want a strong man that can take control not hitting and kicking but maybe a lil’ shake (totally joking, domestic violence never acceptable). If you whine about things like lack of attention, and its only day 2- thats not ok. If you are more interested in my pedi and you’ve named the new OPI colors that I should check out this season, then you have officially put in an app for gBF. Moral of the story: most women want a man thats manly. You don’t have to be someone that walks around with your chest out and talking about how much weight you can lift, but be strong and confident in you and your position in our lives. Whining and complaining is kind of a female trait and we don’t really want to hear all that trust we hear ourselves enough.
5.) You aren’t “bring home” material. This one might not be received well because it is dependent on people judging. As much as we would all like to say we don’t judge others- the fact is that we do. You may have a checkered past, currently engage in some things that we wouldn’t openly admit to, or may not be at the “level” of men that we feel we should be dating (based on our views and influences from those around us). This one really says more about the female. It’s not so much the things that a guy has or has not done here, but its about this standard or ideal that the woman has created in her head for what is acceptable to date and introduce to the girls in the fam. Often this very thing causes women to miss out on someone wonderful, but it just is one of those things that will continue until a woman realizes that she’s comfortable with herself and her relationships that other opinions don’t matter.
So now that you’ve been introduced to your new role as “friend”. Embrace it. There’s hope for some of you. Maybe she will realize that she should give you another try (only likely in situations 1 and 5) or maybe you will get put on with one of her friends with lower different standards. Don’t despise the friend zone, embrace it. Someones gotta do it, right?
*This list clearly not all-encompassing but meant to provide a little thought and maybe a laugh or two. Some of these are based on my own personal preferences (don’t like ‘em, shoot me) and others come from a few girlfriends that I posed the question to.
Comments (5)
@Toni Why would any guy want to be in the friend zone? Im sure when a woman is attracted to a man and he labels her as a friend she would have a problem with it. I don’t go to the club to meet friends…I can meet friends on facebook or at church. C’mon Son! LOL. I’m playing. Friend Zone is terrible i meant that, but you just have to know how to work you’re way to the Endzone “its all about progression” – Hov “play to win the game” – Herm Edwards
This was partially tongue in cheek, right? I must concur with Mr. Blake in saying that NO straight, single, man pursues an attractive member of the opposite sex in HOPES to make it to the “friend zone”. If stuck in the friend zone, one can accept his station in life, or work like a dog to change his role. If a guy is obviously ’bout the lady he’s friends with, he’s probably just biding his time. Hell, I know folks that sat on the friend zone bench and kept working out during the off season in hopes of getting some play time, and were then successful. “Rule #76…play like a champ!” – Wedding Crashers.
C’mon guys of course this was written in jest. BUT I wanted some guys to realize why they gain that title. I know that it’s no man’s goal to be a friend to a woman that he’s attracted to, but sometimes it just works out that way. I love yall’s quotes. If he wants it that bad I’m sure he can make it onto the team…but not without a little work and doing some things differently
Fair enough, but sometimes a lot of truth is said in jest. I think you have some valid points, but I also think the difference is how men and women go about it. When a man puts a woman in the friend zone, he pretty much treats her like a sister…there’s usually no mistaking where her place is with us. I think women tend to be more ambiguous.
[...] Booster club members- these are guys that tried out for the team, but lacked the things needed to suit up. They are were enthusiastic about the prospect of getting on the team, but there’s just no room for them. They can’t dribble, shoot, none of that. They do better in the stands- as support, or selling candy to raise money for uniforms or something. You can hang out with them on a platonic level for some time, but watch out, they may keep trying to step their came up and make that roster. [...]