Ladies, I need your opinion what this article has to say… I have a hard time agreeing with everything in this post, but there are some good points. Remember they are Armenian and not just white, and yes, this article was wrote by a black woman. Yikes!
Via Huffington Post
When will New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush pop the question to his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian? There were rumors he’d propose after the Super Bowl. The Los Angeles Timesblogged in an allusion to the imminent engagement, “Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush Ring in Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas.” Earlier this week, Regis & Kelly inquired of Reggie, “Why do you think all of America wants the two of you to get married so desperately?” Wait, not so fast, Ripa.
There are some black women who find Reggie’s infatuation with Kim disconcerting. Essence Magazine discovered this when its message board was flooded with angry comments after Reggie was revealed as the February cover about men who love black women. (A far better choice would’ve been the white crooner, Robin Thicke, who is married to the black actress Paula Patton). While much of the criticism was fair, Kim and by association, her sister and reality-TV co-star, Khloe, who’s married to Los Angeles Laker Lamar Odom, were accused of the following:
Using Black Men
Some have suggested that for as much as Kim and Khloe emote, they are really only exploiting their black men. This is a problematic premise in that it supposes that black men aren’t lovable. Reggie and Lamar are attractive, rich and obedient little puppies. What woman wouldn’t love that? If anything, the sisters, who’ve always had enough money to live in Beverly Hills, drive Bentleys, and eschew traditional work, have historically advanced the careers of their boyfriends. Kim garnered the dubious “Superhead” distinction after a sex video surfaced of her giving a blowjob (among other things) to her then boyfriend Ray J. The tape was perfect timing for Brandy’s little brother, who was fighting gay rumors. As for her current lover, it is unlikely Reggie’s mediocre NFL stats are behind his TV appearances, Got Milk? ad, and magazine profiles. Kim is keeping him relevant. The same can be said of Khloe regarding Lamar. Who outside of Laker fans and sports junkies knew of the forward before his quickie wedding to Khloe?
Perpetuating the Mandingo Archetype
When George Lopez asked Kim and Khloe, “What’s up with y’all and the black guys?” he was likely hinting at the notion that the Kardashian sisters play up their partners’ sexuality in an effort to play up the black man as stud persona. Historically though, white women, who have sought to use black men in this manner, have done so privately, perhaps taking a trip to the Caribbean or hosting a discreet Mandingo Sex Party. By contrast, the sisters have publicly professed love for and, in the case of Kim, had sex with, their black paramours, even though doing so carries a stigma, perhaps making them, in certain circles, less desirable mates.
Exploiting the “Black Men Are Running from Black Women in Droves” Myth
For some, the Kardashians symbolize the trend of black men, especially those with fame and fortune, flocking to birds of a different feather. While it’s true that the 8 percent of black men who marry outside the race is double the 4 percent of black women who do, the 4 percent differential is low and hardly a reason to get one’s panties in a bunch. There are far more Jay-Z and Beyoncés than there are Ice-T and Cocos.
Benefiting From The “High Standards For Black Women, Low Standards For White Women” Meme
The issue that seems to stick in the craw of women like my mother is this notion that marginal women of other races are preferred to exceptional black women. As she explained it to me, when a black woman walks into a room, she is fighting for her femininity. In preparation for battle, my working-class mother insisted on my having well made dresses, a standing hair appointment and regularly visits to the dentist and the dermatologist. There were also cautions against cursing, hollering and messing around with boys.
It is highly offensive to some that women who’ve been labeled unattractive, dumb, reckless andwhorish — death knells to black women — managed to land black men who could score them invitations to the White House (Khloe accompanied Lamar on the NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers visit; Kim will undoubtedly tag along with Reggie when the Saints go marching in).
If there is fault here, it should not be charged to women whose knowledge of race relations likely derived from hip-hop videos. It is equally futile to harangue twenty-something athletes. Some might say that in an ideal world, Reggie and Lamar would conduct themselves in the manner of a Grant Hill, who followed the example of his father, retired NFL Pro Bowler Calvin. Both have wives who are brilliant, beautiful and black. Ultimately, though, these are all individual people who have the right to date without judgment.
I’ve heard black women snipe that Kim and Khloe date black men because white men don’t want them. If this is true, it is a lesson from which black women can learn. Like most of the female persuasion, we spend considerable time, effort and money ensuring that we are fabulous. Best to focus our attentions on those who appreciate it.
Comments (19)
I think this is a pretty balanced opinion of Kim and Khloe. Although I faithfully camp-out on my couch to poison my brain with their particular brand of unintelligible must see tv… I do find myself wondering how a woman of Kim’s obvious moral standings could be desirable to a young RICH talented black man. If she were a black woman would she be as desirable to Reggie… And other black men for that matter. The sisters are unmistakably beautiful… But if the racial tables were turned would a white man stay with a black woman under the same circumstances. Point being… Maintain your standards for all possible mates regardless of color. A white hoe= a black hoe= an Armenian hoe.
Dear Cody3K: It might be a good time for you to sit down and reflect on the message you are sending to African-American women. How do you think it makes us feel when we look at your blog entries and see titles saying we need to try something new or learn a lesson from the Kardasians. To me what you are saying is something is wrong with black women; I do not think that is the case.
While any/everybody has areas in which they can improve, for some reason black women are targeted by the media and by our own men. Ever come across an article saying white women need to learn from black women….no. You suggest black women need to try something new as if we don’t. I know many black women who have dated outside of their race. But is it so bad that many of us are strongly attracted and attached to the black man? Maybe we value our strong fathers and ancestors who struggled so that our people could have an opportunity. Maybe we see and can share the pain of the black man who is too often scrutinized…but yet we love him.
No we are no longer enslaved; I was just belaboring the point. However, I do not understand why many black men rather date a white or “exotic” woman than a black woman. If it were just by chance…say Mr. Blackman met Ms. X and they fell in love…then that would be different. But I have heard many black men say they are specifically looking for a white chick to settle down with…meaning we are not even given a chance. Many of you were raised, nurtured, and supported by loving black women so I find it hard to believe that something is wrong with us…do you hate your mother’s that much?
Is it the light skin? That’s possible, because the majority of black men prefer a “yellow bone” (this is not speculation this is what I’ve heard and experienced.) It’s like darker shades of women are automatically less attractive; hence the phrase “you’re cute for a dark skinned girl.” WTF is that supposed to mean?! Perhaps if more of our black women were raped by the Master Charlie we could all be fair-skinned and capture the black man’s attention like other races of women. Maybe its the texture or length of our hair. Noo…wait! Perhaps, we are more likely to be honest and supportive instead of just going along with whatever you say and you all don’t have the balls to handle someone who will tell you the truth. Just like now…I’m pretty sure I’m about to be mislabeled as an angry black woman.
@ Voice: Let me first begin by saying that I did not write this article. It was originally posted on Huffington Post. As far as my entries are concerned (because I definitely did write the “something new” article), I am focused on shining light on articles that might not sit well with people but allow a conversation to start about the subject. I don’t want to be apart of something that only talks about the good or right opinions (to you) because that tends to lead people in a unrealistic direction. The something new article was a playful way for me to talk about expanding people’s thoughts about dating and experiencing other cultures. This is something that I feel very strongly about, but it allows you to appreciate what you have. This article was something that I can across and thought, “this is something that needs to be seen,” just to let people know that this view point exists. Not that I agree with the entire article, because I don’t, but I do agree that everyone is entitled to their opinion. With that said, I’m not going to label you as an angry black woman, just as I wouldn’t want to be label as someone that did not care about black women.
I think that the Kardashians are very business savy ladies for whatever that is worth, but as far is learning something from them, personally I don’t think that they offer that much. The purpose of this article was to allow people to see another opinion of them, because they are not looked at in a good light by the majority of black women (as seen with the Reggie Bush Essence cover).
You have raised some very interesting topics such as the “light-skinned or yellow bone” girl mentality, and the supporting the black household. These are subjects that I will address in the future. I hope that in reading this response you see a little where I am coming from and continue to support our blog! Thanks for the read.
@Jellybeansheen I agree with you 100% that everyone should be held to the same standards. Thanks for the read!
@all I love women period. Whatever the race, color, creed. I think ppl in general should concentrate more on the mental and less on the physical. I would rather have someone I can talk to, relate with, and who will support me than someone pretty of any shade. That being said, i do feel that looks are important, they are what initially attract people. I like “yellow bones” but that doesn’t mean I dont like dark-skinned females as well. Sometimes I feel like women use there skin color as an excuse why men don’t like them. Maybe you’re just unattractive, physically, or intellectually, maybe you have a bad attitude. I know beautiful and not so beautiful women of every shape, size, and color. Let’s worry less about what we can’t change and start improving what we can…
just my thoughts
I love the last couple sentences of the article from the Huffington Post. Maybe if we as women (black, white, purple) would focus more on who DOES like us as opposed to who doesn’t -we might all be in a better place. The Kardashians tend to stir up feelings in black women because it is a reminder of the successful black men that decide to take their stock to another market. Its a bit frustrating, but it’s not really that large of a percent. If Reggie loves Kim who are we to judge? That Lamar character is another story, but whatever works for them, right?
I heard someone say the other day- Like what likes you. I bet that will take you far if you stop looking at Kim in anger because Reggie ain’t checkin for you..look around…there might be 12 other bruthas trying to get your attention
first of all @Dustin POW
@voice: I’m sorry that you feel that way. I never understand why people take things so personally. The topic of interracial dating (while def a hot button issue) shouldn’t encroach upon the way that women feel about themselves. People have preferences and that’s something that no amount of dialogue will change. I’m sure that in your head you have an idea of the type of mate you’d like, right down to his credit score. This is no different than someone being attracted to a person from a different race, it’s about preference. I feel that women sometimes get tied up in the idea that this one black man dating outside the race has somehow lessened their opportunity to find a mate. This is simply untrue.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating and/or being attracted to members of your own race (my girlfriend is Black). I do, however, find it funny that these same women that retreat to that argument have a list 86 items long of what this “magical negro” must be capable of. In the “Something New” article, I just saw a black man mentioning that if you have such a problem with black men, widen the net. Is there really something wrong with that message?
I know this got wordy, but it’s all love. Stay Gifted
The last few lines of the article are a cute thought, and I’m partially playing devils advocate here, but statistics will show that no men of any race are exactly knocking down the doors to be with Black women. Wheras Black men kind of have their pick of any race of women they want, (as, if nothing else they want to find out if the rumors are true), Black women are considered the least desired race of mates. These articles act as though Black women spend our weekends chasing and pining away for uninterested Black men and spurning the advances of Whites, Latinos, and Asians, but studies have proven that in the widest numbers, those men aren’t even checking for us like that.
I agree with casting a wider net, but what if you still come up empty? I dont think its too much for us to want to AT LEAST have our own men desire us.
@doubbleR I feel you. In this instance, I think that if casting a wider net still doesn’t yield favorable results, vary your approach. When making application to college did you only send in one app? I think women skip over what it took to get into a relationship and just resent the end result. By that I’m saying, you don’t know what types of women that man contended with before finding the one that was for him. I think in saying “at least” you are de-valuing the black man, it reads like this “If we can’t have anybody else, at least he (the black man) should want us.” I think it’s still up to people to choose and based on their preference. If you’ve (a black woman) made it all the way through the gauntlet of brothas and still come up short, then I’m at a loss, but if you’re still too good to date the laborer that is absolutely in love with your existence, I have no sympathy.
@ Voice- I don’t think that Cody’s posts are meant to make us (black women) feel any sort of way. I think that he poses questions and situations that make us think and at the very least spark some conversation. I hope that in the process of the conversation…you take time to see what your personal opinion is and what has lead you to think or feel that way.
@ DoubbleRR-I have to agree with Edward Nygma on the feeling that “at least” our own men should desire us. At the end of the day men are men and what calls the shots on what they are attracted to may not vary as much as we would like to think it does. So maybe the things that are a turn off for black men..may be a turn off for all men. Maybe its time to switch up the approach? Not to say change you but maybe change the way you do things.
Call me a silly romantic, but I think there’s someone out there for everyone. Too often we allow ourselves to get in our own way or are so focused on the “doesn’t have” list appreciate the things that the other person has to offer. I know that I have personally messed (for lack of a better term) over some really great black men and I would assume the responsibility for altering their view of black women if that was a result of their interaction with me. We learn better…then we do better, right? So lets work on looking for the positive things instead of the negative things or the things that we don’t have. Optimistic much?
I recently had the chance to read the article concerning Reggie Bush in Essence magazine and I couldnt help but think of the word bitter. I’m not one to point any fingers at any of my sistahs or ignite any flames buuuuuuuuut…..COME ON!!! For starters it’s 2010…where dont you see a interracial couple nowadays???? Why make some ridiculousy huge deal about Reggie Bush being on the cover of Essence because he’s “bun-ing” Kim K???? So the fuck (pardon the tongue)what?!In my own OPINION (and I put that in caps because some folk be so ride or die about their feelings) it’s a pointless argument/conversation to try and have. The man is feeling (whether it’s emotional or physical) his little Armenian joint….what’s the point of the saltiness??? And what’s this noise about “if a black sistah was hoe-ing she wouldnt get wifed by the black man but if she were a whore she would”…stone face. Quite frankly a hooker is a hooker regardless of race, right??? Who are we to judge if one of our black men chooses to wife little miss smut bucket of the year???? In the words of Tupac (and I think he was speaking for all black men who do so when he said it) “only God can judge me”. I mean seriously tho, for my sistahs who find this type thing of offensive I have one question. What are we trying to “purify” the race now? How so very Jim Crow-ish of these angry sistahs. Stop playing the race card because you mad and just tell us why you REALLY mad son. Yes, I went there and I think the REAL issue at hand is simply a case of self consciousness.Maybe some sistahs are just bitter from past experiences with black men who chose the mixed, white, asian, or indian chic over them. #imjussayin. Not every black man that’s dating outside of our race is doing so because he dislikes or is selling out black women. Besides it’s 2010 the same black man we salute for being the first black president, is the same black man that’s a product of one of these infamous interracial relationships (moms=white and pops=black). Funny how some of the same joints getting so “offended” and judgemental about black men dating outside the race are the same ones rocking the Obama tees from UP Against the Wall and talking about CHANGE…..does anybody else get my sense of humor? Maybe it’s just me…oh well. Anyway the fact of the matter is simple…we confirmed the notion of a flat world was false ages ago so please stop the close-minded assumptions already. Offended sistahs deal with your issues and dont let them embitter you to the point of you taking another individual’s dating life personally. At the end of the day love knows no color real talk.
Oh,… he DID pop the question!! “Where is the back door,… I need to get the hell outta here!”
another step forward.”
Finally a smart blogger…I love how you’re thinking and writing!
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@Dan: We are definitely working on getting more posts out there. We are at the end of the day focused on quality and not quantity. Thanks for the read!
@Das: Thanks for the read. Spread the word on our blog.. We are working to keep the interesting articles coming.
@Christy thanks for the read!!! Spread the word on TGL.