Personally, I am a “get it how you live” type person and I could really care less if someone dates outside of their race. Just because something may not work for me doesn’t mean that it won’t work for someone else. On the other hand, when I think about the disease that is “bitter-bitchness” that is traveling throughout the black community; I cannot help but think about what would happen if the black women would date outside of their race.
What is “bitter-bitchness” you ask? Please, allow me to explain.
It is a disease that impacts black women from the ages of 20 to 48 and strikes primarily in the cold months. The symptoms are random explosions of hate for black men in relationships, sports, or southern rap music. Bathroom mirror Facebook photo shoots, purchases of over 6 D batteries, and Sex in the City Netflix purchases are also other symptoms. Black women are also at risk of being hated on by an “infected” individual for showing happiness or even a smile from interaction with a black male. A known cure for this disease is a large quantity of Vitamin “D.”
In all seriousness, I think there is hesitation on black women dating white men because of black women’s constant comments about black men and their “pursuit” of white women or the “exotic” ones. But when you really think about it, would black men be missing anything if women went and start dating outside of their race. NOPE! Honestly, everyone (really everyone, Subway sandwich makers, co-workers, etc) is happier when black women are happy. Think about it.
I know I may be speaking only for myself, but I still believe that everyone should find the person that is for them. So by all means, try “Something New.”
Check out this article on ‘interracial dating’ from The Root
cody@thegifedlife.com
Comments (29)
Yo, this is super real. If I hear one more conversation from a bitter woman with a list of attributes that a man should have or that won’t entertain dating outside the race, I will probably start throat chopping them. Fortunately I’ve been able to find some black women that were worth by time, but had I not, please believe I woulda got wit something exotic before being all bitter and shit about it.
I mean, it black men read books we would have countless articles on this.. I guess that’s why we come in..
Black women do not have a monopoly on “bitter-bitchness” in the same way black men do not have a monopoly on prisons and low educational attainment. I’m offended by the gross generalizations.
Now as a black woman who I am sure at one point or another has had symptoms of “bitter bitchness” I can say that more often than not it comes from a place of hurt. And sadly we do tend to take it out on the next man or even female friend with a man who’s treating her right for that matter. BUT “bitter bitchness” is not a disease that only women my dear brothers. How many of you have said countless times, “these hoes aint shit.” “Hoes can’t be trusted.” And more often than not its because you’ve been hurt whether you admit that or not. Truthfully I don’t have any issue with Black men or women dating outside their race as long as it doesn’t come from a place of hatred for their race. However I don’t feel that the “bitter bitchess”/ hurt can be cured by dating a white man. That, dear brothers can only come with time.
@shara: you are right that there are no monopolies on bitterness, prisons, or low educational attainments, but there is a monopoly of opinions that are produced about the subject. I was not trying to offend you (really sorry if I did), and I’m not offended by what you about black men (if you were wondering). I was merely sharing my opinion on the matter by throwing in some humor. Like I said, I am for people living their own lives to the fullest. and believe me, everyone will get their share from me, not just black women. Thank you for reading.
Forgive my errors this lil ass BB screen has me struggling…OOOOOOPPPPPSSSSS
I don’t think all black women are bitter. I think a majority single, educated, black women are. Again not all. Ive spoken to many however who claim that there are no good black men out there, or they are not mature, or they dont make enough money, or they are too soft, or too hard. Listen, my philosophy is this, if you’re living by a check list youre never going to find the perfect person. Give a guy a chance and you might find out he’s more perfect than youre ideal man. No one is going to be absolutely perfect. figure out what you can and can’t live with and always remember the 80/20 rule, it applies to women as well. I honestly think men have more of a right to complain than women.
Sooo tired of always having the conversation about what Black women need to fix in our lives. We’re successful, well educated, independent and professional…but at the end of the day all we’re told is need to get some “D” and be smile more. LOL.
I do agree with being more open though. A lot of these white or exotic dudes like our “bitter-bitchness” and aren’t always emphasizing how much we should change to get them or keep them. But also take into account that there is quite simply a greater desire among Black men for women of other races. Many of us Black girls either not attracted or are just kinda “meh” about caucasians, hispanics, asians, etc.
@Dustin Blake: I completely agreed with your response up until “I honestly think men have more of a right to complain than women.” No one has the right to complain about anything. Griping is for suckers. I have no legitimate issue with people dating outside of their race, I will admit, however, that I wish black men and women would stop hating each other so much and try a bit harder to make it work, the American Black family is sacred to me and I want nothing more than for it to thrive, but I will not bash a black man or a black woman if they happened to genuinely fall in love with someone outside of their race. This article, in my opinion, sends a message to black women saying that if you can’t find a good black man, date a white man. I don’t like that. The title “Try Something New” seems to insist upon a proactive pursuit of an alternate race. This to me, sounds like an act of defeat and in my opinion is why most black men and women end up with white counterparts. I repeat, I have no problem with interracial dating but I don’t feel like it should be something we resort to because we have lost faith in our own beautiful people. Suck up the bitterness and hurt and move on. MAKE it work.
@hautemommie: Agreed. On the fact that it works both ways.. I think that sometimes black men do lash out and say/do things behind feelings that they have for someone from their past. Which is probably were the “ninjas ain’t shyt” comes from a majority of the time, but this is speaking to a specific crowd of females that have an unrealistic view of life, relationship, and what they “deserve.” I am a big believer in receiving everything that you put out as energy, and I believe relationships work in the same manner. I am just trying to bring another view (that is rarely heard) into the conversation. Thanks for reading and commenting.. Stay Gifted!
@hautermommie are you trying to tell me that hoes are the shit?!?!? no way! LOL. But seriously, just as women are trying to find men with a good head on their shoulders, men are trying to find women who don’t give head to every man with shoulders. ya feel me? I see ur point though.
I think this is a real ass post that will be over looked and mis read because of its language which is sad.
(watch your head, generalization of the black professional social climate ahead)
the sad thing is that bitter bitchness is a pandemic in both men and women. its just manifested differenty. it is a pandemic because everyone thinks that they’re a rockstar and desrve rockstar treatment.
we men think that we’re lil wayne or dirk diggler and its cool to have sex with everything, or we think that we’re jay-z and DESERVE a beyonce.
women think that they’re Michelle Obama and expect obama circa 78 to show up at their doorstep, but then settle for the “cute” fellas with no mercy and then want to claim they lived through the worst fate when you did that foolishness to yourself. niggas aint (or are?) shit, IT IS YOUR SHALLOW TASTE that is shit.
no good thing just happens to the average joe or josephina. believe it or not, you’re NOT the messiah of swag so WORK for the shit you WANT and that is how bitter bitchness will cease.
@Adam AMEN Brotha. People need to stop setting themselves up. No need to be pessimistic but realism is key. If we all can manage to come back down to earth for a minute, I am sure we will find a nice guy or girl…because that is where we live…on EARTH that is. So to reiterate my point…MAKE IT WORK.
@DustinBlake ha! No hoes aint shit, ever. That includes male and female whores. I agree that the issue lies in that many men and women are walking around with a list of criteria that they are expecting someone to fulfill, and at the end of the day no one is going to be everything you want BUT they may very well be the exact thing you NEED. When men and women get to a place where we all have realistic expectations there can be more Black love experienced.
@Adam: Dead on my man.. I agree 100%.. thanks for the read and comment!
There’s this misconception that a majority of black men marry outside their race. Not true, in fact the majority of black men marry within their own race (look it up, its in the census). People see an athlete with a white woman, and assume that ALL black men do it. Look, from conversing with different circles of black women, they all say the same thing: Black men ain’t shit, there’s a shortage, not enough education, money, etc. Instead of complaining about this issue all the damn time, I agree that black women should broaden their horizons, and date outside their race.
@Adam POW! I agree.
@Mia I believe making it work is the best policy with someone you love.
@hautemommie AMEN @ realistic expectations. Don’t sell yourself short, but if you’ll die in real life trying to find a fairytale mate.
@1_night_stan 2 extra points for the census stats!
In my experience. I’ve come to realize that a bf to most (not all) black women is similar to an accessory. Its like her friend got a new Louie purse so now she wants one too. They say they are willing to sacrifice but are they really? What they fail to realize is that there are plenty of potentially successful black brother’s out there. Key word there is potentially. For one reason or another again some (not all) sisters have the image of the perfect man in their head. They want a finished product as if they have it all together themselves. I don’t think the issue is a black or white thing. I live by don’t ask anything of anybody else that you wouldn’t first ask of yourself. Its a two way street. Meet me half way.
I rarely comment on things like this but I couldn’t help myself here.
I understand the point you’re trying to make–black women should open up to more romantic opportunities. Yes, some of us are shallow and have an unrealistic checklist, but don’t women of all races embody those behaviors at times? Isn’t that our generation and our obsession with the fabulous life? Anyone who thinks non-black women are automatically easier to deal with is simply naive.
I’m a black woman who doesn’t consider herself bitter and I could hardly read past “bitter bitchness.” I get that you’re trying to be witty, but ehh. Black women always get labeled bitter and angry and quite frankly I’m over the generalizations. There is such little accountability on behalf of many black men nowadays as to WHY we are hurt or the place the attitude is coming from.
We’re #1 on the HIV stats to be infected as a result of this “Vitamin D.” Least likely to be married. Most likely to be raising kids on our own. I think men need to try a little sensitivity with the sisters as opposed to calling us bitches at every opportunity or instructing us (as though we’re all pitiful) on what we should be doing. Try uplifting us for a change.
This is coming from a black woman who loves black men BTW.
@Maiya GREAT comments. Made a lot of good posts. I’m not naive, i know all women are bitter. LOL. J/K. We love black women, especially at the gifted life and I would much rather have a happy black women and an upset bitter one. I think it is a mans responsibility to make a women happy, I’d just like some insight as to how to make that happen.
Ol’ bitter ass broads lol. Seriously though, when it comes to this subject, I tend to concur with @cody3k’s get it how you live philosophy. Love is difficult enough to find as it is, so who am I to judge someone based on how much melanin their ol’ man/lady has. I’m open to dating other races myself…HOWEVER, as a black man raised by two black parents, I still feel that after all is said and done, I’ll be coming back home to raise some black babies with my black wife. I almost feel like the “talented tenth” is doing the community a disservice by not being the model black family. This is no shot at mixed race couples, I just prefer my black women. Just give us a lil patience ladies.
@ Maiya: I see exactly what you are saying and I agree that all black women are not bitter.. Despite attempts at humor (ie bitter-bitchness) I was trying to tell people that they should really look at themselves and just do what makes them happy… I have great friends, elders, and sisters that are black women and I would tell them the same way. I just wanted to speak from a perspective that is rarely heard from when it comes to the subject. The straight black man.
And no, I’m not calling all black women “bitches” that’s going too far.. BBness is a mindstate and to me a lot of people walk around with it, men and women..
Though it is a touchy subject for people, our goal is to provide entertainment, not hurt. Thanks for reading!
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@DustinBlake and everyone–I’m pretty sure you all are decent guys and I’m definitely not barking at you on this. I just want men to stop and think about the topic in general from a black woman’s perspective. Just as you do, we also carry a lot of weight on our shoulders. And we tend to show you guys support in a way that’s not always reciprocated. Agreed?
And if you want to get a glimpse into our psyche. Talk to your sisters, girlfriends, mom, aunts whoever and I bet you’ll learn a lot. I’m the only girl cousin, only brothers and I have a loving black father in the picture. Through them I’ve learned empathy and understanding for the brothers. Try it, it works!
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Wow. I totally agree with DoubbleR and Shara.
Black women don’t have a monopoly on bitterness; often times black men and women think so though because we interact most with other Blacks.
Also, Black women are also treated as “the problem” when it comes to why there’s a ridiculous amount of single, professional Black women who would rather not be single. We should date outside the race, we should date the janitor (be open-minded, they say!), we should cook more, we should talk less, we should be freakier. Geeeeeez, why are we always being told we’re doing something wrong?! Did anyone consider that maybe, this is a collective problem, and we all need to “do better.”
You didn’t ask… but while I’d prefer a Black husband, more than anything I want a great husband and father to my future children, someone who remembers that I don’t like tomatoes, makes me laugh when I’m down, and doesn’t mind that I tend to cry during movies. If he’s Black, that’s what’s up, for real. If he’s not… that’s fine. He’s still mine.
For reals tho,… All Black Women are bitchy,… PERIOD! If you find one that is not, marry her,… FAST,… before she wakes up form the dream.